Relationship needs:not equal but mutual

 

Social media has done more harm than good like making an average girl thinks she is not getting the attention she needs from her guy and also an average guy to think he is doesn’t have the peace of mind he needs. This has now become stereotype just like a student’s answer to his/her success or failure. For a good grade, a student will say ‘I got’ while for a bad grade the student says ‘the teacher gave me’. So a girl easily says ‘he is not giving me attention’ and a guy ‘she is not giving me peace of mind’ without critically looking at it from the opposite perspective and this has led to death of many relationships.

Let’s take a look at this analogy; studies have shown that babies/children regardless of gender seek attention while growing. So why as a teenage or adult should we then feel ‘attention’ is one gender sided? Why is it seen as just girls thing? Don’t guys need attention? Well, that’s rhetorical but think about it. Again, as a guy why do feel ‘peace of mind’ is yours alone? Don’t girls need peace of mind too, or what do you think “assurance” amounts to? Obviously its peace of mind. 

Emotions are subjective so cannot be quantified. However, those feelings (attention need, peace of mind, etc) can be qualified with adjectives like little, small, minimum etc. A girl may cherish or seek full attention, a guy may just be fine with little. A guy may need absolute peace of mind; a girl may just need to hear him say a word of assurance. So long as this feelings or needs are mutual, both party getting the “supposedly amount”, there is room for a healthy relationship.  

So the problem isn’t with what we seek but how we seek it and from what perspective we seek it. It is a wrong perception and a selfish one to think as a guy, a girl doesn’t need the peace of mind you seek or as a girl, a guy doesn’t need the attention you seek dearly. Therefore, until we begin to see what we seek, our needs from the other end of the table that is from the eye of our partner asking question like, as a guy, is she getting the peace of mind I need from her? or as a girl, is he getting the attention I so dearly need from him? we will continue to have unhealthy relationships or dead ones.

What we dearly seek or need may necessarily not be EQUAL but surely must be MUTUAL.

©happy man